That chinese FNF fanfic that changed my life

 Writing about this is insanely funny if I'm being honest.

I usually read fanfiction when I'm feeling down, I know it might sound pretty bad but, I read them because of how bad they can come to be, so bad it's hilarious. Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against people who write fanfiction, even I do it! But today I'm not here to talk about my 30 fanfics on Google Docs. 

The thing is, I was searching for some funny stuff on AO3 because I was bored, as always. The stuff there was pretty average, and wasn't in the mood for reading something that looks like everything else. That's when a FNF fanfiction appeared, it caught my attention almost immediately because it wasn't in English but in Chinese. I just knew I had to read that. 

Now, I don't speak nor read Chinese, the reason why I thought it would be extremely funny was because I was going to use Google Translate for it. It partly worked, specially when one of the texts was "Is that a car?" out of nowhere. Now that I think about it, maybe it wasn't that funny. 

But why did this fanfic "change my life"? Because, surprisingly, it was the best fanfiction I've ever read, even when some words were out of place due to Google Translate, I can't ignore how good that fanfic was, it was amazing and I mean it! What was it about, you might wonder, well... porn. 

It sounds kind of wrong when I phrase it like that, but you know what's even weirder? Porn or not, it still is the best thing I have ever read. I usually avoid this type of stuff when searching for fanfiction, I want bad stories with horrible grammar, I don't want to read "member" and "entrance" every five minutes. But this one, this one wasn't playing around, it said things directly, and I got to say it did it perfectly.

What was it about? Well, it's about how Boyfriend is just casually talking about his sexless relationship with Pico, since he is too busy, and they haven't been able to see each other in a month. Oh, and he also practices a little bit of self-love before going to bed. The next day, someone knocks Boyfriend's door, and guess what, yeah, it's Pico. Apparently, Pico had one of his "tasks" cancelled and decided to use his free time to go and visit his beautiful boyfriend, how cute. Then Pico asks Boyfriend if he has eaten anything yet, and after hearing the negative response he goes to the supermarket to buy some things to cook, God, what a lovely boyfriend he is!

Boyfriend, on the other hand, he starts cleaning the house like the malewife he is. After some minutes, Boyfriend hears someone desperately knocking on the door, he is kind of scared but opens the door anyway, revealing that the one knocking on the door was Pico! Why was he so desperate? I have no idea, he just gets inside the house and acts like nothing happened.

Now I think I can't describe what happened here, but when Boyfriend tried to ask what was wrongs, Pico made a Berserk reference. Remember Guts? Remember his girlfriend? Remember Griffith? Well, Pico was Griffith, I don't think you need another hint. But then who is Guts? Well, after some lines, it was revealed to be Pico! Wait... Pico is Guts and Griffith at the same time? Indeed. Someone opens the door while the two of them are at it, revealing Pico who was holding a bag with food. But if that's Pico then who the hell is the guy inside Boyfriend('s home)?

Anyway, Pico tries to shoot the other Pico, but the other Pico also pulled out a gun and threatened to kill Boyfriend if Pico tried something. This is how the first part of the fanfic ends, what a ride, huh?

In the second part, we get an explanation for this (almost) Pico apparently wasn't busy for that month, the thing is that he and his "other side" call it schizophrenia or whatever you want, but they became two separate human beings, somehow. Basically he had to contain the other part of himself because he is a little bit dangerous, Boyfriend knows what I mean. Today the other Pico made Pico leave his own house because he didn't want to see him anymore, or that's what I think, so Pico tried to go see his beautiful boyfriend and ask him to stay at his home for a while, he never thought the other Pico would follow him there.

From now own we are going to call them Pico the good and Pico the evil because this is getting confusing, and the whole point of this fanfic was to have a very caring Pico and a selfish one inside the same guy('s home). 

Pico the evil is a little bit of a bitch, and now he doesn't want to leave Boyfriend's house, and of course, Pico the good can't leave Boyfriend alone with that monster. But as I said, Pico the evil is kind of a bitch, and he doesn't want the good Pico to be close to Boyfriend because he just goes nuts, jealousy I guess. So now we have mansplain, manipulate and malewife under the same roof, you decide which one is which. 

Skipping to the next important part of the story, they are all sleeping, Pico the good is obviously sleeping on the couch because Pico the evil took the guest's room and Pico the good isn't allowed to be close to Boyfriend, so they can't sleep in the same room and much less on the same bed. But here it comes! The most awaited cliché in the story of FNF fanfiction! It's raining, and we all know about a very specific femboy who is afraid of thunders. The good Pico wakes up because of this, he is very worried about his boyfriend that he kinda ignores the rules and visits Boyfriend's room. Boyfriend is there, under the sheets and literally shaking and crying rn, but since Pico the good is such a good boyfriend, he comes in and hugs Boyfriend, so he can feel a little better.

What Pico didn't know is that Boyfriend, unlike him, didn't want to sleep. Instead of going to sleep like his boyfriend intended, Boyfriend gets in a silly funny mood and oh my God, if Pico is still half asleep and not noticing what Boyfriend is doing does this count as something illegal? By the way, they both get in the mood and start doing something really cute, actually! It is probably the most heartwarming scene this fanfic will have, trust me. But in the middle of it, someone opens the door, it's Pico the evil! Because, with his own words, "They sound like cats and won't let him sleep". Now, the evil Pico is probably mad, right? Well, not at all, he gets amused by the view and joins the party, against the others will, obviously, 

I'm just going to say that I didn't know that double anal was a thing. 

After that, it is implied that the two Picos eventually became a little closer, basically because they shared the same boy, but we don't need to talk about that yet. You may have been wondering why can't the Picos become one again? It's ambiguous, but they can't become one again unless they both agree to it, and we know who's the little bitch who doesn't want that. So, the evil Pico tries to make a deal with the good Pico, so they can become one again, they are just going to mess up with Boyfriend until he is satisfied. I have been feeling bad for Boyfriend for the entire fanfic, but this part is so messed up because it implies Boyfriend goes around his house naked since someone would take his clothes off anyway for a good part of the day, like, c'mon leave him alone. 

At some point it also implies that the Picos practice self-love and I do not want to picture that image in my brain. 

Well after Boyfriend becomes a cunt, a boytoy, a public toilet, a fleshlight or whatever you want to call it, Pico the good asks him if he doesn't want to go outside to rap and pass the time you know, he wants to give him a break from being a hentai anime girl. Boyfriend is so happy that he puts some clothes on and leaves almost immediately, and he starts doing that every day, so he doesn't have to deal with more of this shit. One day that he comes back home, silently going directly to his room, someone covers his eyes and says that he won't have it easily tonight. While Boyfriend is trying to guess which one of those fucking gingers is the one who told him that he would fuck him until he cried, Pico removes his hands. And I say Pico because it's Pico!!!! They became one once again, this would be a wholesome scene if Boyfriend didn't immediately beg for sex right after Pico just told him to go to sleep. 

Bitch, you learned nothing. 

The fanfic ends with Pico and Boyfriend together happily and Pico says thanks, just for Boyfriend to say that he doesn't want the honor of being fucked by two people, amazing. 

This is how this amazing fanfic end. Peak fanfiction and nothing can surpass it.

Talking seriously, I hate how good it actually is, it's very specific with everything and most importantly, it's not boring to read at all. Do you want to know how long it is? It's around the 26,000 words, it would take an average person to finish it around 4 or 5 hours. 26,000 words about detailed PicoxBF porn, can you believe that shit? Can you believe I wasted 5 hours of my life reading this? Only ogs will remember that the fic was originally 24,000 words long. It added more details, and I'm not sure how to react. 

But, unironically, I do respect this fanfic a lot, because:

1-How fucking confident was the author to write 26,000 fucking words about FNF gay sex, and then publish it like nothing. I can't even write a kiss without feeling like a failure of a human being. 

2-The story alone is not that bad, yeah I mean the plot without the sex, you know, the idea of two Picos existing at the same time, one good and one evil is kinda attractive to me, it also reminds me of Satoko from Higurashi and I must say that I fucking love the Satoko of Gou/Sotsu I don't care if the anime sucks ass.

3-Lastly, it made me confident about writing, you remember how I said I had 30 fanfics on Google Docs? Well, I wrote at least 70% of those because of this, HEICHI, If you are reading this and the Chinese government didn't kill you because of this wonderful love letter to literature, I want to tell you, thanks. This fanfic made me realize I only need to have fun, even if my definition of fun is writing on Google Docs a terrifying FNF fanfic. One day I'll actually talk about My Way... 

In conclusion, this fanfics is nothing more but a porn fest, God bless HEICHI and they amazing work.

I wonder how long this text is because oh my God I sure do love talking about FNF and gay sex.