Umineko 1

 Long ago, I got the entirety of Umineko no naku koro ni on my PC, but due to unfortunate events I lost it and had to start from zero, on another computer. 

I got the entire VN again months ago, but I was driven back by the fact I already spent 2 hours for nothing, so I left it there, for a good while. Today, I have decided to finally read it after a long time. I have read the Umineko manga fully, and it honestly became my favorite piece of fiction ever, my favorite story of all time.  

It was so good that two years ago, I decided to base my FNF AU on it, not only Umineko but Higurashi Gou/Sotsu as well, isn't it stupid? Basing a FNF AU, on one of the best stories ever written in history. FNF, one of the most cringe and hated games at the time, getting such a complex and mysterious plot? You know, I still laugh at this concept.

However, today, I guess Umineko made me realize how important it is for me to write stories, to pay attention to the most insignificant detail, to work on my characters, on my story, to make everything obvious once you read it again knowing what truly happened. For me, that's the true joy of creation. But as time goes by, I have met people, a lot of people, and I've asked myself this multiple times, but... Am I the only one not having fun? 

Don't misunderstand me, I have a lot of fun creating this long, complex story. But whenever I see someone else working on their story, I see it, they don't put the same effort as me. I do not want to sound like I'm super good at stories and everyone sucks at it and should work more, that's not my intention. What I'm trying to say here is, I care about everything. 

The story, the characters, the design, the symbolism, the dates, the little facts, everything. It can't have plot holes, the characters must have something recognizable and must be charming but also need to be dislikeable in some way or another, every single design has to be carefully chosen from the meaning of the colors to the meaning of their accessories, it has to got references, to the bible if necessary, the trivia must be on the nose but easy to ignore, everything must be perfect.

But, when I'm not paying attention to my own story, I notice that, people really do not care about that at all, and it kinda annoys me a little. I appreciate creation a lot, and seeing how little thought people put on it, makes me feel like no one respects creation in the slightest. Then I started to think, if this is how most of the people take creating their own stories... then the minority is the one in the wrong, right?

With that in mind, am I the one not having fun? Am I the only one who's taking this too seriously? Is that wrong?

It is not normal that I get annoyed by just being with people who don't take it seriously, people who think of it as just a fun thing to think about, it really annoys me, and I don't even know why. It's even harder for me to get along in big groups now, maybe it's just getting worse for me, I'm the only one getting in a bad mood here. But how can people be so careless about their own creations? I don't understand, I don't understand that type of fun at all.

After all, I always had trouble with simple things, I like making things interesting all the time, even though I want a quiet life. I must admit I have this inner wish of being found, and I keep making the preparations of it until now, it makes no sense, and it probably still won't once it's finished, but it's fun. Coming along with this topic, I also like making things on my own, I feel like having teammates makes the work harder as no one will understand my story as I do, it's my own vision, and only I can portray it in the perfect way it needs to be portrayed.

I don't know, I know teammates are supposed to help and make things easier and faster, but for me, they only make everything worse, harder and slower. It's a problem. 

Even now, I'm not sure anymore, maybe I just want to take pride into doing something big and amazing all by my own, I can't tell. 

Thanks to Umineko I have been starting to appreciate fiction even more. I guess I'm just really picky, huh?